Shit Wine Nerds Say… and a wine I like a lot. Like, a LOT.

If you’re not drinking Loire Valley sparkling wine, you really should start.  I mean, I’m  not saying you’re WRONG, but merely suggesting that you’d be a lot more RIGHT if you were drinking Loire Valley sparkling wine.  In particular, THIS ONE.

I kid, I kid.  I just watched the “Shit Wine Drinkers Say” spin-off of “Shit Girls Say”- where he jests about the Wine Drinker preoccupation with telling people WHAT is GOOD.  There is now precisely one “Shit Whoever Says” You Tube video per every single group of people imaginable.  I admit to watching some of them, many of which are funny.  But the first two Shit Girls Say are still the funniest.  So, the person who did the Wine Drinkers one covered a lot of bases, but I started a list a week or two ago of “Shit Wine Nerds Say”, never intending to videotape it, just write it up in a post and hope to make a few of you chuckle.  I wanted to concentrate on things that Wine Nerds say that sound strange to non-Wine Nerds, and I think I have succeeded admirably.   But first lets talk about this Louis de Grenelle Platine Brut, NV Loire Valley that has captivated my heart over the last week.  It’s. Freaking. Good.


So, to start off- in order to qualify as a Wine Nerd, you MUST love Sparkling wine.  You MUST seek out a sparkling wine made out of every grape imaginable, particularly red grapes.  Remember when I was obsessing over finding a sparkling Gamay?  well, I did find one, but it was sold out and I’ll be forced to wait until early Spring to quell my desire.  Before that, remember whenI found that sparkling Malbec and flipped-the-f-out?  Yes, I did.  That was some killer juice, too… but I’m getting distracted.

If we may, lets go back to WHY you should be drinking sparkling wine from the Loire Valley.  For those that don’t know, this is where the Loire Valley be:

oui, we are en Fran-say.

So the Louis de Grenelle Platine Brut is from the Loire Valley, and it is called a Cremant de Loire.  What does this mean?  Well, there is a very long-winded version of this answer, but we’ll try to stick to a short n’ sweet one for today.  There are a couple of different ways to make a still wine into a sparkling wine, but the most traditional (many would say “best”.. some would say “only”) way is called Methode de Champenoise.  This is basically the old school Champagne way of doing it, where the bubbles are allowed to form in each bottle.  The Charmat method, in contrast, is when the juice is fermented and bubblified in one big tank, and then bottled.  Sooo, getting back to the point, Louis here is a Cremant de Loire, which means it is made in the Champenoise method, but it’s not from the Champagne region, hence the -de Loire portion of its name.

Phew.  Hope I didn’t lose you there, let us now focus on how this wine TASTES!!  Ohh, friends.  It tastes like a glimpse of heaven.  I kid you not.  It is made out of mostly Chenin Blanc (a killer grape as a still wine, too), with a little Chardonnay and a little Cabernet Franc (a red grape).  Its bubble content is freaking perfect- the kind that truly “lift” in your mouth (that’s what she said- oh, did I just say that?!), and float along your palate with perfect grace and elegance.  Okay, back to the taste.  I’m easily distracted and a little verbose today, it seems.  So, the Chenin Blanc offers a crisp, fresh palate of pears, apricots and green apples, plus a few flirty, girly notes of white flowers and dried ginger.  The addition of Chardonnay adds a nice sharp zing, and finally the Cab Franc just fills its body out slightly, and brings in a hint of spice and walnuts.  mmmmm!!!  Thirst-quenching as all get-out, people.  It has a most excellent price point- $21, which is not exactly your everyday-bubbly/mimosa-maker price range, but a MOST excellent price range for when you want something exceptional to spoil yourself with, and still won’t break the bank.  Which brings me back to my original point, which is WHY you should be drinking Loire sparkling wine.  If this wine were simply made a few miles east in Champagne, it would probably set you back about $40.  But since its not made in Champagne, you get to pay  lot less!  And secretly (shhhh!!), I love sparkling Chenin Blanc a wee bit more than a traditional Champagne grape.  So let this be a lesson.  Don’t let anyone tell you that the only good sparkling wines are Champagnes.  Doggone it, thats just wrong.

And in closing, here is a fun list of Shit Wine Nerds Say.  Special thanks to Danielle, James, Jeremy and Josh who helped me out with a few zingers via my Facebook fan page.  Please note this list focuses on silly things that Wine Nerds say to each other that make perfect sense to US, but might sound strange to other.

Apt Descriptive Words That Sound a Little Strange and You Probably Won’t Read in Spectator.

Slutty.  Busty.  Grapey.  Backwards.  Hot.  Tight.  Flabby.  Malnourished.  Feet-y.  Stinky.  Pencil-y.  Cat Pee-y.  Tar-y.  Asphalty.  Grapey (yes, really).  Girly.  Flirty.  Sexy.  Dominatrix.

Other Phrases I’ve Heard Uttered:

“I feel like I’m committing infanticide on this 08 Barolo!”

“This is like sucking wine out of a 2 x 4!”

“This is a wine only a termite could love.”

“This is like licking the inside of a tin can.”

“It’s in an awkward teenage phase.”

“It’s over the hill.”

“It’s a baby!”

“Too much malo.”

“It’s got some bottle stink… maybe it’ll blow off.”

(upon tasting a new red varietal) “Do they make a dry Rose out of this!?”

Okay that’s all I got for today.  Hope you enjoyed.  I know I’m missing some, feel free to comment with additions!  And come pick up some Grenelle at Cellar!  Seacrest out.



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